Dear whatever supernatural/divine/extraterrestrial/mortal being reading this,

Save me from Justin Bieber. I’m not a Bieber hater. I’m not going to wish that he was dead (that’s just mean). And I’m not going to say that he has no…male organs. But I am being oppressed, quite physically, by this epidemic of Bieber Fever that just might be worse than the Philadelphia Yellow Fever Epidemic of 1793 that left Philly with a population of only 8000 in 1798 as opposed to the 50,000 residing there before the epidemic.

With every epidemic, there are different reactions and types of people. First, we have the people who flee as soon as they see the onset of an epidemic. In the Yellow Fever epidemic, a great factor to the decreased population size was fear. For Justin Bieber, these are the people who delete the Justin Bieber songs they once had on their iPods calling it “too mainstream and immature” or ignore the presence of Justin Bieber completely.

Then there are the people who stick around because their friends and family have caught it. That would be me. You know something is horribly askew with this world when you decide to watch the newest Glee episode with your family and you realize that there are more voices than that coming from the TV…and that is coming from a mom and sister singing “Baby, baby, baby, ohhhh”. Has Bieber Fever infected my family? Shall I quarantine my sister’s boombox?

And then there are the victims. If I write any details about the effects of Yellow Fever on the human body, you might puke while proceeding to read about the food I will get to eventually, so I probably won’t be doing that. The victims are the people who love seeing Justin Bieber in 3-D so much they go and see it multiple times. Because that hair is so much better in 3-D, of course. The people who have countdowns until Bieber’s next album or single. And they’ve got it…bad.

It’s lethal (figuratively, of course. But we’ve all read stories of girls who would go to extreme measures for Justin Bieber…)

 

Brown Sugar Coated Apple Slices

And to whoever is reading this, I brought you apples to bribe you to save me from the Biebs. And not just ordinary apples, they’re oven-baked apple slices.

Why would I take perfect apples and bake them? Because that makes cold, hard apples, warm, crispy, and gooey. I like the latter much more than the former.

And also because it is cold and rainy in Seattle. When the weather is choosing to be an ice queen, you must be the arbiter of warmth and good and give the world oven-baked apples. That is how things get done.

Baked Apple Slices (Recipe from Food.Com)

Ingredients

• 4 apples
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup granulated sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

Directions:

1 Peel, halve and core apples.
2 Cut each half into 6 wedges.
3 In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar and cinnamon.
4 Mix together well.
5 Add apples and toss.
6 Spread apples in a single layer on non-stick or parchment paper-lined baking sheet.
7 Bake in pre-heated 450*F/230*C oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until browned and tender.
8 Cool, for a few minutes before removing from baking sheet.
9 Serve warm.